Baltimore’s inferiority complex hits new low
By now, most Washingtonians have at least heard of Baltimore Sun’s asinine list of “100 reasons why Baltimore is better than D.C.” After reading the headline, my initial response was the familiar, “Aw, they’re still trying.”
Then I spent a chunk of my life–which I will never get back–clicking through a list that was obviously written by someone who has not spent a lot of time in either city. Granted, the writer has a few valid points–Old Bay, Natty Boh and Cal Ripken, Jr. are pretty darn cool. The rest is a bunch of re-tread bull-shit about how D.C. is expensive and full of politicians, etc.
To pick out every ridiculous item on the list would take all day. Since this is primarily a music blog, let’s just take a look at the most ridiculous music/nightlife-oriented items.
“92. Points to D.C. for having the 9:30 Club, one of the best venues for live music on the East Coast … where our bands Animal Collective, Wye Oak, Beach House (above) and Dan Deacon bring in your money.”
So, we’re not starting off on a good foot here. First, let me correct you: 9:30 Club is the best venue in the country. Yes, all the artists you mentioned are great, and almost always sell out when they play at 9:30. Know why? Because Baltimore’s music venues are laughably awful. “I love seeing shows at Rams Head Live!” said no one ever.
“54. We don’t try too hard.”
Oh, so that is why you made a list trying to convince people that your city is superior to another?
“53. Baltimore club music.”
Yep. A cool novelty sub-genre that was popular in 2007. On the other hand, D.C. is the birthplace of Thievery Corporation, Dave Nada, Tittsworth and the Moombathon genre in general.
“48. D.C.’s bars close at 3 a.m. Nothing good ever happens at 3 a.m.”
This concept is just foreign to me. You know what happens at 3 a.m.? You leave the bar and go to Ben’s Chili Bowl or Jumbo Slice. Or both. That sounds pretty damn good to me.
“41. In a zany hometown celebrity battle royale, bet that John Waters and Frank Zappa would creep the crazy right out of Dave Chappelle and Bill Nye the Science Guy, two to one.”
Well, yeah that is pretty accurate. Two points.
“36. Rap greatness toss-up here: Tupac, meet … Wale?”
Oh, yeah Tupac. The guy who made hits like “California Love” and “To Live & Die in L.A.” Remember the song he did about Baltimore? Yeah, I don’t either. Wale, on the other hand, just released his first gold record and hangs out with Rick Ross. But, hey you guys have this guy!
“29. D.C. elected Marion Barry 56 times. And counting.”
This one isn’t really music related, but talking slick about the Mayor for Life on the wrong corner will get you yoked.
“26. We raised Sisqo, the voice of the glorious ‘Thong Song.'”
Oh, cool. Well, we raised a guy named Marvin Gaye. “Let’s Get It On” >> “Thong Song” all day long.
DMVicious 